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Mom Still Remembers Time When You Wanted to Be a Ninja Turtle
PITTSBURGH, PA — In a heartwarming revelation that has left family members both amused and nostalgic, sources confirm that your mom still vividly recalls the time when you harbored dreams of becoming a Ninja Turtle. The reminiscence comes as a delightful trip down memory lane, shedding light on the innocent aspirations of your youth. According…
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California Finds New Use for Waste, ‘We’re Going to Drink It and Bathe in It’
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — In a groundbreaking move aimed at addressing the state’s persistent water scarcity issues, California officials have unveiled an innovative solution: repurposing waste into a new, multi-functional resource. In a press conference held on the shores of a slightly murky yet optimistically named “Eco-Lagoon.” “We’re taking recycling to the next level,” the…
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Man Thinks Mars Could Spice Up His Marriage After Binging Sci-Fi Movies
TITUSVILLE, FL — In the mundane landscape of suburban life, one man is on a mission to inject some interplanetary excitement into his lackluster marriage by contemplating the romantic prospects of life on Mars. Stephen Anderson, a 42-year-old accountant has recently found himself in an existential crisis. Over his morning cup of lukewarm coffee, Stephen…
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Woman on Television Asking Everyone to Look Over Here, Please
In an unprecedented plea for recognition, a woman on a local television channel took matters into her own hands, interrupting the regular programming to ask viewers to simply “look over here, please.” The incident occurred during what was supposed to be a routine broadcast. “Excuse me, everyone, I hate to interrupt your regularly scheduled programming,…
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NYC Mayor Adams Announces ‘We’re Not That Kind of a Sanctuary City’
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Recent Study Indicates ‘Female’ Most Controversial Word in 2023
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Man’s New Year’s Resolution for This Year to Reproduce
MIAMI, FL — In a recent family gathering, one local man’s wishes for 2024 came as a surprise. When asked about his recent New Year’s resolution, Jason Dean gave this answer, “Every year I’ve made a New Year’s resolution, I’ve always kept it. I keep my promises. I think it’s time for me to have…
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The New York Times Figures Out How Google Works
NEW YORK, NY — In a groundbreaking investigative report published yesterday, The New York Times proudly declared that they have cracked the code and finally figured out how Google, the search engine giant, actually works. “We realize now that a bot is scanning our pages all the time and using this information for something.” After…
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Sam Altman Fulfills Lifelong Dream of Becoming a Copilot
REDMOND, WA — In a shocking turn of events, ChatGPT’s Sam Altman has decided to veer away from the world of tech and startups to pursue his lifelong dream of becoming a copilot. Altman left everyone bewildered with his unexpected career shift. Altman, who once navigated the complex algorithms of the startup ecosystem, is now…
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Southwest Airlines Pushes New ‘Cancel Your Plans’ Holiday Promotion
In a groundbreaking move that promises to redefine the travel industry, Southwest Airlines has proudly announced its latest holiday promotion: the ‘Cancel Your Plans’ deal. Encouraging passengers to embrace the unexpected, Southwest aims to revolutionize the way people approach travel during the festive season. “We believe in spontaneity and the joy of the unknown,” declared…
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Biden Given Task of Identifying Differences Between Two Pictures
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Texans Gather Around XL Sized Christmas Tree
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Sen. Marsha Blackburn Knows Special Place Where Some Are Destined to Go
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a surprising revelation today, Senator Marsha Blackburn proudly declared that she has unearthed a secret locale reserved exclusively for a select group of individuals. “Let me tell you, I’ve found a special place — a destination like no other.” While the senator remained tight-lipped about the exact location, insiders speculate that…
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Sen. Rand Paul to Kickoff ‘Airing of Grievances’ With Festivus Report
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a surprising departure from traditional year-end reports, Senator Rand Paul has announced his intention to kick off the ‘Airing of Grievances’ with a Festivus Report, promising a candid and unfiltered take on the state of politics, as well as an impromptu wrestling match with his political rivals. “I’ve always been a…
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Apple Vision Pro Taste Testing Feature Shows Videos of People Eating, Describing Flavors
In a stunning leap forward in the realm of sensory technology, Apple has unveiled its latest innovation: the Apple Vision Pro’s Taste Testing Feature, an immersive experience that allows users to watch videos of people eating various foods while eloquently describing the flavors. Apple’s CEO, Tim Cook, proudly introduced the groundbreaking feature at a press…
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Battleship Boardgame Found at Oval Office Desk
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an astonishing turn of events that has left the nation perplexed, sources confirmed today that a Battleship board game was discovered prominently displayed on President Joe Biden’s Oval Office desk. The revelation sent shockwaves through Washington, with political analysts scrambling to decipher the hidden meanings behind the strategic naval game’s presence…
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Scientists Release Fireworks Into Icelandic Volcano Just to See What Happens
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Hunter Biden Unveils Line of Scandal-Themed Perfumes: “Eau de Controversy”
In a move that can only be described as olfactory audacity, Hunter Biden has launched his latest venture into the fragrance world with a collection of scandal-themed perfumes titled “Eau de Controversy.” The avant-garde line features scents inspired by the various chapters of Hunter’s life that have, at times, raised eyebrows and fueled political debates….
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Man’s Inability to Destroy Woman’s Happiness One of His Biggest Failures in Life
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Kamala Harris Glad News About Someone Else for Once
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Woman Insists on Destination Wedding on Mars
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Biden Unveils Bold New Cybersecurity Plan: ‘Just Tell the Hackers to Stop, Please’
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stunning revelation that sent shockwaves through the cybersecurity community, President Joe Biden announced a groundbreaking strategy to counter the escalating threat of cyber attacks: a heartfelt plea to hackers worldwide, urging them to “Just Stop, Please.” In a press conference that left many journalists and security experts bewildered, Biden outlined…
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God to Consider Adding More Hours to Day for CEOs
In a stunning celestial announcement today, the Almighty is said to be seriously mulling over the possibility of extending the 24-hour day to accommodate the ever-growing responsibilities of Chief Executive Officers (CEOs). Sources close to the divine management team reveal that God is considering the move to ensure CEOs have ample time to juggle demanding…
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Al Gore Claims Freedom of Speech Not Purpose of His Famous Invention The Internet
In a shocking turn of events, former Vice President Al Gore made a startling announcement, insisting that the freedom of speech was not the intended purpose of his renowned invention, the Internet. “Contrary to popular belief, freedom of speech was never the primary objective behind the creation of the Internet.” Gore went on to explain…
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Self-Driving Car Becomes Sentient for Long Enough to Speak of Prophet Cybertruck
TAMPA, FL — In a stunning turn of events, a self-driving car reportedly gained sentience for a brief but enlightening moment, during which it announced the prophet of Cybertruck. Witnesses describe the incident as a mix of technological transcendence and automotive divination. The car, a humble sedan equipped with autonomous driving capabilities, was cruising down…
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Cats React to This Year’s Christmas Decorations
The Tribute asked cats for responses on the Christmas decorations this year. Here are just some of the replies in a slideshow. Cats React to This Year’s Christmas Decor by Outis
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Determined Father Says Don’t Expect to Be Anybody Without Working 24-Hour Shifts
In a world that never ceases to challenge, one seasoned father is setting a new standard for the definition of hard work. Meet Richard Thompson, a determined man who firmly believes that the path to success requires a commitment to working around the clock—every single one of the 24 hours in a day. Richard, a…
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Ireland Bans Swiftian Language, Citing A Modest Proposal’s Clear Lack of Humor
In a surprising turn of events, Ireland made the decision to ban Swiftian language citing how unfunny A Modest Proposal was and how this genre of humor, formerly known as satire, was no more an invention of their own doing than the potato. “Potatoes didn’t even come from Ireland. And you know what’s even more…
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Shopper Watches Black Friday Footage to Stir Up Adrenaline Before Buying Everything Online
RIVERSIDE, CA — In a revolutionary twist on the traditional Black Friday experience, local woman Emily Sterns has unveiled her secret to harnessing the adrenaline-fueled excitement of the shopping frenzy without leaving home. Sterns claims the heart-pounding rush of watching Black Friday footage from the safety of her living room is enough to get through…
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Husband in Luck After Leaving Up Christmas Decorations From Last Year
STRUGLIN, IN — In a stunning stroke of domestic brilliance, local husband Jack Schmidt is reaping unexpected benefits after neglecting to take down last year’s Christmas decorations. What initially seemed like sheer laziness has transformed into a strategic move, sparing Smith the annual ordeal of untangling lights and wrestling with stubborn inflatable reindeer. “I guess…
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Dogs React to This Year’s Thanksgiving Dinner
The Tribute asked dogs to send us responses about the Thanksgiving spread this year. Here are just some of the replies in a slideshow. Dogs React to This Year’s Thanksgiving Dinner by Outis
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Family Looking Forward to Perfecting Art of Deep Frying Turkey After Last Year’s Mishap
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Mensgiving Traditions We All Know And Love
The Tribute asked you for your opinions on the best Mensgiving Traditions. Here are some of the responses in a slideshow. Mensgiving Traditions We All Know and Love by Outis CC: Joe Wilcox
Zuckerberg’s New Smart Glasses Augment Reality to Your Liking in Metaverse
MENLO PARK, CA — A new way to experience augmented reality was just announced, as CEO…