ROCKY MOUNTAINS — In a groundbreaking ascent, local outdoor enthusiast Mark Summit reached the peak of Mount Ego with the help of his trusty “Sponsored Super Pack.” Summit’s climb, which was generously supported by sponsors, marks a new era in hiking where the laws of the great outdoors have been rewritten.
Summit, a self-proclaimed nature lover, was more than willing to accept the assistance. “Hiking was nice and all, but I kept thinking, ‘Why not profit from my passion?'” he explained as he unpacked a bag of trail mix.
The Sponsored Super Pack, adorned with logos, included a wide range of items, from energy bars to “enhanced” oxygen tanks to combat altitude sickness. “I never knew I needed a heated toilet seat on a mountain, but now I can’t imagine hiking without one,” Summit declared.
As Summit approached the summit (coincidentally, sponsored by a telecommunications giant), he was greeted by a designated “Peak Sponsorship Officer” who presented him with a certificate, a gold-plated water bottle, and a plaque acknowledging his achievement.
