VATICAN CITY—In an unprecedented announcement delivered to a crowd of thousands gathered in St. Peter’s Square, Pope Francis extended a heartfelt invitation to the world’s displaced populations to take up residence within the fortified walls of Vatican City.
“As followers of Christ, we are called to provide refuge to the weary and shelter to potential converts,” the Pontiff proclaimed. “And so, with open arms, we welcome all migrants and refugees to join us here, within the walls of the Holy See.”
Pope Francis invited the illegal immigrants flooding the borders of many Western nations to instead redirect themselves to the Vatican City. “We welcome one, and all. Step right up.”
The Pope outlined a set of rules all migrants must follow. “You will learn Latin, recite the Bible by heart, and follow the Ten Commandments, of which murder is not permitted for any of you murders in the crowd, on the run from your home countries.” The Pope winked following this statement.
“We have one of the largest per capita incomes in the world thanks to your generous donations. But if you arrive on the last Sunday of the month when everyone’s bum rushing the place, it’s free.”