SMITHFIELD, CT — Residents of Maplewood Drive watched in passive awe and mild horror Tuesday morning as local USPS mail carrier Greg Lorman, 42, was once again spotted delivering a package by methodically pummeling it into submission.
“It’s like he’s trying to teach it a lesson,” neighbors say.
Witnesses say the box—marked “FRAGILE”—was first drop-kicked from the mail truck like a wounded animal, then stomped with the weary precision of a man who’s done this before.
“It’s the second time this week,” said neighbor Lila Gomez, clutching her coffee as she watched the scene unfold. “Last Thursday, he elbowed a padded envelope into a hedge. Today, he full-on body-slammed a medium-sized Amazon box onto the porch like it owed him money.”
Surveillance footage captured from a Ring doorbell shows Lorman pausing in front of the Higens residence, glancing around to ensure he’s alone, and then whispering something to the package—believed to be “You think you’re better than me?”—before delivering a swift roundhouse kick and casually snapping a photo for delivery confirmation.