WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a surprising move today, President Joe Biden took a break from addressing the nation’s most pressing issues to remind Americans that the concept of liberty is essentially just a big, juicy turkey he might consider carving up for dinner.
During a press conference that left journalists both bemused and slightly hungry, Biden stood at the podium, gazing into the distance, and declared, “Folks, let’s be clear. Liberty, freedom, all that good stuff— it’s basically a giant turkey on the national table, and I might just have to dig in.”
“We’ve got this big bird of freedom, right? And sometimes, you need to let it roast slowly in the oven of democracy, turn it every now and then, and make sure it’s well-done for the American people,” Biden stated, gesturing with his hands as if expertly carving a poultry-themed metaphor.
As the nation collectively blinked in surprise, Biden proposed a new annual tradition—the “Thanksgiving Freedom Feast.” In this proposed event, the President would ceremoniously pardon a symbolic turkey, only to later retrieve it and carve it up for a festive dinner.
