NEW YORK, NY—In a bold experiment to gauge client reactions to investment strategies, local financial advisor Randall Brookes has reportedly funneled billions of dollars into what he described as a “comically absurd portfolio” consisting of NFTs of frogs wearing monocles, a company promising to mine asteroids “next year, probably,” and stock in a subscription-based hat rental service.
“This is purely for research purposes,” Brookes explained during a hastily arranged press conference while nervously checking his phone for updates on the value of a cryptocurrency he invented called TurduckenCoin. “I just wanted to see how people would react if I told them, ‘We’re going all in on this thing called Goo Ventures—it’s a startup that’s making edible shoes.’ Turns out, most people nod and ask about their quarterly returns. Fascinating stuff.”
Sources confirm the experiment began six months ago, when Brookes grew frustrated with the tepid responses to traditional investments like index funds and real estate. Seeking to “shake things up,” he began crafting what he called a “perfectly ridiculous” portfolio designed to lose money faster than a tourist in Vegas.
Clients were reportedly informed their money would be invested in groundbreaking technologies, such as a company making blockchain-enabled toasters, a fitness app for dogs, and something Brookes only referred to as “meat balloons.” Most, however, reacted with surprising enthusiasm.
“Randall knows what he’s doing,” said long-time client Clement Smith, who recently allocated his retirement savings to an AI-driven karaoke platform that ranks users by emotional vulnerability. “Sure, I was skeptical at first, but he explained how this kind of disruption could ‘completely obliterate the market as we know it.’ That sounds promising, right?”
Despite the humorous premise of the experiment, the unconventional investments have led to mixed results.