Mail Carrier Beats Up Package Second Time This Week
SMITHFIELD, CT — Residents of Maplewood Drive watched in passive awe and mild horror Tuesday morning as local USPS mail…
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CIA Encourages Americans to Follow Them Back on Social Media
LANGLEY, VA — In a press release issued Monday, the Central Intelligence Agency cordially invited all Americans to follow its…
New Restaurant ‘Long Dongs’ Opens Amid Hooters Bankruptcy
In what some are calling the most audacious pivot in American dining, “Long Dongs” has opened its doors just as…
Financial Advisor Secretly Invests Billions in ‘Bunch of Bullshit’ to Test Customer Reactions
NEW YORK, NY—In a bold experiment to gauge client reactions to investment strategies, local financial advisor Randall Brookes has reportedly…
LA Fire Department Blames Devastation on Word ‘Husband’
“It’s such a dangerous word, we’ve tried removing it completely from the department.”
Violent Shitstorm Engulfs Small Town, Ravages All Hope for Clean Water
BARNS CREEK, WY — Residents of this small, once-picturesque town were left reeling this week after a violent shitstorm tore…
Judge Orders Double Negative Clears ‘Literal Hate Symbol’ of All Accusations of Evil Doing
DES MOINES, IA — In an unprecedented legal decision, a local judge has ordered a double negative to clear a…