In a daring and unconventional move, the United States of America has decided to address its soaring national debt by hitting the craps tables, hoping for a financial miracle that will make all its fiscal problems disappear.
As the national debt recently surpassed the eye-watering sum of $33 trillion, lawmakers convened in an emergency session to brainstorm solutions that didn’t involve raising taxes, cutting spending, or addressing the root causes of the crisis. The result? Luxury hotels for everyone!
“Listen, folks, we’ve tried everything else, and cutting wasteful spending, raising the debt ceiling, and increasing interest rates—none of it worked. So, we figured, why not roll the dice and let luck decide our fate?”
The plan is simple: the government will take its entire debt, which they have printed on a massive oversized check, and place it on the craps table at our nearest casino. If they roll a winning number, they’ll pay off the debt in one fell swoop. If not, well, there’s always the buffet to drown their sorrows in.
Meanwhile, Wall Street has been riding a rollercoaster of emotions, with traders unsure whether to invest in government bonds or start a collection of commemorative debt default T-shirts.