NEW YORK, NY — In a groundbreaking investigative report published yesterday, The New York Times proudly declared that they have cracked the code and finally figured out how Google, the search engine giant, actually works.
“We realize now that a bot is scanning our pages all the time and using this information for something.”
After months of intense research and countless hours spent typing phrases into the search bar, The Times’ top investigative journalists held a press conference to reveal their groundbreaking findings.
“The mystery of Google has confounded us for years,” said investigative reporter Jenna Dawn. “But after extensive investigation, we can now confirm that Google works. In fact, we can block the bot from looking at our website altogether. We could even do this with any bot. But, we really love making up stories instead of consulting a technical SEO expert.”
The Times’ report detailed the shocking revelation that when users type questions into Google, the search engine miraculously scours the internet to find relevant information. “It’s like having the world’s most knowledgeable librarian at your fingertips, but it’s an AI,” said Darby Smith, another investigative journalist. “It just takes all of your information and puts it on the search engine results pages, sometimes with the answer already there, so you don’t have to click on the website, and with ads and things for a profit.”
In an unexpected turn of events, The New York Times has now vowed to share this groundbreaking knowledge with the world. They plan to release a comprehensive guide titled “Decoding Google: A User’s Manual” that promises to help everyone understand the inner workings of the search engine.
Google responded to The Times’ revelations with a simple statement: “We’re glad The New York Times has caught up. We’ve been doing this for a while.”