MANHATTAN, NY — In an astonishing turn of events, Sam Bankman-Fried, the enigmatic billionaire and Democratic mega-donor, has pulled off his greatest vanishing act yet. After a series of tumultuous business dealings, bankruptcy, and fraud, the financial magician plans to disappear as his final act.
Bankman-Fried, known for his shaggy hair and quirky social media posts, had recently been making headlines with a series of ambitious financial maneuvers that he recalls very little details about.
However, the final trick up his sleeve was nothing short of legendary. Bankman-Fried made himself disappear from the financial world without a trace.
The disappearance, shrouded in secrecy and intrigue, was executed with the precision of a magic trick. One minute, Bankman-Fried was there, posting on social media about the potential for crypto-cows that produce blockchain milk, and the next, he was gone.
“It’s as if he was never here,” said one befuddled cryptocurrency enthusiast. “One moment, he’s predicting Bitcoin will reach a million dollars by next week, and the next, poof, he’s vanished into the blockchain.”