Scientists Conclude Despite Endless List of Possible Narratives, This Is the One We’ve Chosen
GENEVA, SWITZERLAND—After extensive analysis of the nearly infinite possibilities that could have shaped human civilization, an international team of top…
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Government Funding for Studies on Walrus Behavior ‘Deleted’ by DOGE
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In what officials are calling “a crime against population studies,” a multimillion-dollar federal grant allocated for studying walrus behavior…
Woman Becomes Unexpected Variable After Crashing Through Research Lab
APPLETON, WI — In an unexpected turn of events that could only be described as an unplanned experiment, local woman…
Boaty McBoatface Cancelled, Labeled Submarine Not Research Boat
After a 2016 internet survey led Boaty McBoatface to be selected for a $240 million research boat, the boat was…
Defecting Flat Earthers Declare Earth Actually Amoeba Shape
“Once you look at the evidence it is quite compelling.” According to the report, Earth doesn’t actually have a static…
