Woman Rubs ‘Salt of Earth’ In Wounds as Alternative Form of Therapy
“I get so many samples of this stuff it’s unreal.” The woman said she couldn’t keep up with it, and…
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STATUS REPORT: Lazy Website Doesn’t Want to Work Anymore
A reporter who was on a family vacation caught the website slacking off on a tropical island earlier this morning.
Pentagon Whistleblower Says Food Tastes Like Shit
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a shocking reveal, a former pentagon worker blew the whistle on what he described as “completely…
The Onion Ceased Operations After Someone Accidentally Added It to Soup
This morning we received word that the Onion ceased operations after it was accidentally added to soup. Sources say an…
Grandpa Going to Throw Computer in Yard If You Don’t Stop Arguing
The kids were acting up around grandpa again, and he lost it. Mom says you might want to keep them…
Local Writer Announces Plans to Write Book
PROVIDENCE, RI — Locals and international news networks were stunned to find the local man Brian Smith has announced plans…
Disney Horror Adaptations Prepare Nation’s Children for Future
In this movie, Donald is on trial for high crimes against the government of the United States, including election interference.