CLEVELAND, OH — In an astonishing display of unwavering anticipation, local woman Carol Hapless has spent the entire day anxiously looking over her shoulder, waiting for someone to pop out of nowhere on this supposedly cursed Friday the 13th.
As the clock relentlessly ticked away, Hapless exhibited an unparalleled level of unease, clutching her rabbit’s foot, wearing a four-leaf clover necklace, and repeatedly knocking on wood to fend off bad luck. All this in a futile attempt to ward off any impending misfortune she had convinced herself was inevitable.
“I just know something terrible is going to happen today,” Carol nervously mumbled as she triple-checked her lucky horseshoe earrings. “It’s Friday the 13th, after all. How could something not go horribly wrong?”
Hapless’ friends and coworkers expressed their growing concern for her, particularly after she abruptly screamed in the break room when the office microwave beeped. She claimed the microwave beeped thirteen times, which must be an omen of impending doom.
“Carol’s always been a bit superstitious,” said her coworker, Mark Silverado. “But today, she’s reached new levels of paranoia. She won’t even leave her desk because she thinks walking under a ladder in the hallway will summon a black cat to cross her path.”
While Hapless’ unwavering vigilance for unexpected occurrences continues, many experts have scoffed at her superstitions, arguing that Friday the 13th is no more or less ominous than any other day.
Dr. Cynthia Rationalia, a noted psychologist, offered her insights: “Friday the 13th is a day like any other. Superstitions are baseless beliefs that often stem from a fear of the unknown. There’s no scientific evidence to support the idea that bad things are more likely to happen on this day.”
Despite the rational reassurances, Carol Hapless remains vigilant, peering nervously out her window and still convinced that, at any moment, a black cat will knock over a ladder, leading to her being struck by lightning as she crosses a path lined with broken mirrors.
As the day wears on, it’s clear that Hapless’ unease is unlikely to wane until the clock strikes midnight, and the supposedly ominous Friday the 13th passes into the annals of history, leaving behind only the lingering paranoia and the echoes of her fervent belief that something terrible was bound to happen.
In the meantime, her coworkers and friends can only hope that Carol makes it through the day without tripping over her own shadow or accidentally stepping on a sidewalk crack.
