‘We’re All Traders, And Must Pay,’ Senator Rand Paul Explains
“Actually, tariffs are just a punishment for trading in the first place. The good news is, Congress is required to…
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US Tariff on Foreign Air Expected to Solve Budget Deficit, Cause Mass Suffocation
WASHINGTON, D.C—In a bold economic maneuver aimed at eliminating the national budget deficit, the U.S. government has announced a sweeping…
Senator Cory Booker Gives Recap After Binge-Watching Latest Season of America, Says Plot ‘Increasingly Unbelievable’
WASHINGTON, D.C.—After catching up on the latest season of America, Senator Cory Booker held a press conference Tuesday to give…
Musk Administration Rules Social Security a ‘Ponzi Scheme’
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In recent events, the new Musk administration has ruled social security to be a “ponzi scheme” in which the…
US Government’s Largest Wasteful Spending Project $18 Billion for Road to Uninhabitable Planet
STARBASE, TX—In what experts are calling the most baffling infrastructure project in U.S. history, the federal government has unveiled a…
Trump Explains How Zelenskyy Already Won, ‘You Get Nothing’
WASHINGTON, D.C.—After a heated debate in which American leaders insulted Ukraine’s President with a mix of gaslighting and parental actions,…
Faith Office to Oversee New ‘Heavenly Border Wall’ Project
NEW ORLEANS, LA—In a controversial move that has sparked theological and political debates across the nation, the White House “Faith…
Trump to Avoid Bad Energy in Whitehouse for Weekend
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move that has left the press disoriented, President Donald Trump announced today that he will…
New ‘Modern Aliens’ Series Starring Gov. DeSantis Announced
“They built Coral Castle, they built the giant Pegasus. And, now, they’re here to take your jobs.”