Judge Orders ‘Deadbeat Nation’ to Pay $33 Trillion in Child Support Payments
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a groundbreaking legal ruling today, a no-nonsense judge has ordered the United States, often dubbed the…
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Biden Vows to Hug ‘As Many Trees as It Takes’ to Get Climate Change Under Control
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stunning display of environmental commitment, President Joe Biden declared today that he is willing to…
Pentagon Whistleblower Says Food Tastes Like Shit
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a shocking reveal, a former pentagon worker blew the whistle on what he described as “completely…
Statue of Liberty Bailed Out of Prison for Last Time
“Listen, we’ve let this slide for long enough, and it’s time you pay up.”