Poop Emoji Declared Hate Symbol, Pending Removal From All Smartphones
In a shocking turn of events, the once-beloved poop emoji has been officially declared a hate symbol by a consortium…
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Nervous Man Steals Car Ahead of Grand Theft Auto 6 Reveal
NEW YORK, NY — In a prelude to the highly anticipated release of Grand Theft Auto 6, a jittery man…
Bezos Launches New Subscription Delivering Signature Drinks Called ‘Bevos’
SEATTLE, WA — In a move that has left the beverage industry shaken, stirred, and undoubtedly caffeinated, Jeff Bezos, the…
‘Choose Your Own Adventure’ Columbus Story Everyone’s Favorite Book for Day Off
In a surprising turn of events, an old childhood favorite has resurfaced to become the go-to choice for readers seeking…
AI Concerned So Many of Artworks Rushed Then Discarded
VINEYARD, CA — In a rare display of self-awareness, artificial intelligence (AI) has expressed deep concern over the recent trend…
Johnson Space Center Welcomes Tenacious D for Tribute
HOUSTON, TX — Johnson Space Center has officially welcomed the iconic rock duo Tenacious D, comprised of Jack Black and…
Bill Gates Successfully Stores Consciousness on Cloud
TACOMA, WA — Sources indicate on Wednesday Bill Gates uploaded his consciousness to the cloud. When asked why he made…
Dramatic Chipmunk Makes Cameo Appearance in Area Life
It has been brought to our attention that the Dramatic Chipmunk has recently made a sudden cameo appearance in area…
The Onion Ceased Operations After Someone Accidentally Added It to Soup
This morning we received word that the Onion ceased operations after it was accidentally added to soup. Sources say an…
Disney Horror Adaptations Prepare Nation’s Children for Future
In this movie, Donald is on trial for high crimes against the government of the United States, including election interference.