Outis
President DeSantis Sends Message From Year 2030
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Appearing in a holographic press conference transmitted via neural beam directly into every American’s occipital cortex, President…
Mail Carrier Beats Up Package Second Time This Week
SMITHFIELD, CT — Residents of Maplewood Drive watched in passive awe and mild horror Tuesday morning as local USPS mail…
CIA Encourages Americans to Follow Them Back on Social Media
LANGLEY, VA — In a press release issued Monday, the Central Intelligence Agency cordially invited all Americans to follow its…
New Research Suggests Genghis Khan Opposed Construction of Great Wall of China
“Waste of perfectly good stones,” says long-lost decree.
Man So Desirable He Can Be in Five Cities in One Day
DALLAS, TX—Defying the limits of space, time, and basic human need for rest, 42-year-old commercial airline pilot Greg Hanlon has…
Jeff Bezos Sends Every Woman He Knows to Space
In what is being heralded by some as a “giant leap for womankind,” Amazon founder Jeff Bezos officially launched every…
‘Learn to Code’ Top Treatment Plan for Americans
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a recent update to health guidelines in America, a renowned group of medical professionals declared Monday that the…