Latest Blockbuster ‘Weekend at World Economy’ Hits Box Office
HOLLYWOOD, CA—Audiences flocked to theaters this weekend for the surprise box office smash Weekend at World Economy, a dark comedy…
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‘We’re All Traders, And Must Pay,’ Senator Rand Paul Explains
“Actually, tariffs are just a punishment for trading in the first place. The good news is, Congress is required to…
US Tariff on Foreign Air Expected to Solve Budget Deficit, Cause Mass Suffocation
WASHINGTON, D.C—In a bold economic maneuver aimed at eliminating the national budget deficit, the U.S. government has announced a sweeping…
Senator Cory Booker Gives Recap After Binge-Watching Latest Season of America, Says Plot ‘Increasingly Unbelievable’
WASHINGTON, D.C.—After catching up on the latest season of America, Senator Cory Booker held a press conference Tuesday to give…
Scientists Conclude Despite Endless List of Possible Narratives, This Is the One We’ve Chosen
GENEVA, SWITZERLAND—After extensive analysis of the nearly infinite possibilities that could have shaped human civilization, an international team of top…
America New ‘Cash Cow’ Just Waiting to Be Harvested for Organs
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Calling it the “next great frontier in resource extraction,” top economic analysts confirmed Tuesday that the United States has…
Tesla Wants Forever War With ‘The People’
AUSTIN, TX—In a surprise announcement, Tesla confirmed Monday that it is engaged in an ongoing, indefinite war against The People,…
Musk Administration Rules Social Security a ‘Ponzi Scheme’
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In recent events, the new Musk administration has ruled social security to be a “ponzi scheme” in which the…
Studies Show 99 Percent of Americans Believe Life a Simulation Designed for Torture
PORTLAND, OR—A groundbreaking new study from the Pew Research Center confirmed Wednesday that 99 percent of Americans now believe they…
