US Government’s Largest Wasteful Spending Project $18 Billion for Road to Uninhabitable Planet
STARBASE, TX—In what experts are calling the most baffling infrastructure project in U.S. history, the federal government has unveiled a…
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Government Funding for Studies on Walrus Behavior ‘Deleted’ by DOGE
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In what officials are calling “a crime against population studies,” a multimillion-dollar federal grant allocated for studying walrus behavior…
Trump Explains How Zelenskyy Already Won, ‘You Get Nothing’
WASHINGTON, D.C.—After a heated debate in which American leaders insulted Ukraine’s President with a mix of gaslighting and parental actions,…
‘Gold Card’ Visa Allows New US Citizens to Pay $3M for Chocolate Factory Tour
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an effort to streamline the immigration process while bolstering the nation’s economy, U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS)…
New Restaurant ‘Long Dongs’ Opens Amid Hooters Bankruptcy
In what some are calling the most audacious pivot in American dining, “Long Dongs” has opened its doors just as…
California Falls Into Ocean
“We never thought there would be a problem until everyone started leaning to the left. Then, all of a sudden,…
Faith Office to Oversee New ‘Heavenly Border Wall’ Project
NEW ORLEANS, LA—In a controversial move that has sparked theological and political debates across the nation, the White House “Faith…
Financial Advisor Secretly Invests Billions in ‘Bunch of Bullshit’ to Test Customer Reactions
NEW YORK, NY—In a bold experiment to gauge client reactions to investment strategies, local financial advisor Randall Brookes has reportedly…