President Biden Pushes Doomsday Clock Forward Another Day
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an unprecedented move, President Joe Biden has once again advanced the symbolic Doomsday Clock by a…
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Woman Reaches Seventh Circle of ‘Login Infinite Loop’ Hell
SACRAMENTO, CA — In a groundbreaking case of digital determination, local woman Jessica Lopez has reportedly entered the seventh circle…
Missing F-35 Rejoins Colony of Undetectable Jets, Citing Falling Out with Pilot
CHARLESTON, SC — An F-35 fighter jet that mysteriously disappeared from its hangar over the weekend has now rejoined a…
Bard Sets Up Shop In Local Tavern, Confusing Regulars, Serenading With Top 10 Lists
DUNSHIRE TAVERN — The quaint and cozy Dunshire Tavern, known for its lively atmosphere and frothy pints, found itself facing…
Judge Orders ‘Deadbeat Nation’ to Pay $33 Trillion in Child Support Payments
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a groundbreaking legal ruling today, a no-nonsense judge has ordered the United States, often dubbed the…
Local Man Achieves Peak Conformity, Promptly Disappears Into Background
PLACETOWN, CT — In a mildly interesting turn of events, local resident Chris Jones has achieved the pinnacle of conformity,…
Biden Vows to Hug ‘As Many Trees as It Takes’ to Get Climate Change Under Control
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stunning display of environmental commitment, President Joe Biden declared today that he is willing to…
God to Start Charging Toll for New Humans, Citing Wooly Mammoth’s Disappearance
Earlier this morning, God put a cap on all human life and told the species, “I don’t like what I’m…
Grandma Is Getting Pretty Serious With Internet Cronies After Years of Searching
FOUNTAIN, PA — After years of searching, Grandma Mildred Barth has found an unexpected fountain of companionship in the form…
Johnson Space Center Welcomes Tenacious D for Tribute
HOUSTON, TX — Johnson Space Center has officially welcomed the iconic rock duo Tenacious D, comprised of Jack Black and…