Outis
Senate Votes Abstinence Only Way to Avoid Birth of Demonic Children
Washington, D.C. — In a landmark decision, the U.S. Senate voted 51-49 on Thursday to pass a bill declaring abstinence…
Thomas F. Wilson Nominated by Republican Party to Replace Donald J. Trump
In response to the nomination, Republican Presidential Candidate Tom Wilson told the press on Tuesday, “You know, one thing’s for…
Sam Altman Seeks $7 Trillion to Launch Civilization to 12th Dimension
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — In a move that has widespread cosmic implications, Sam Altman announced his ambitious plans for $7…
Biden Still Talking About Time He Drove Rumpelstiltskin Out of Town
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a surprising turn of events, President Joe Biden has once again regaled White House staff with…
Kamala Harris Orders Helicopters to Parent Nation
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold move that has left political analysts on edge, Vice President Kamala Harris has reportedly…
Judge Orders Double Negative Clears ‘Literal Hate Symbol’ of All Accusations of Evil Doing
DES MOINES, IA — In an unprecedented legal decision, a local judge has ordered a double negative to clear a…